Those of you who know me, or who have read my conversations re Ordination may already know that I have major issues with the idea of being ordained. My story also includes a number of amusing (well, I use the word amusing, some may use other words) tales of times where the Church seemed to have complications when calling me to particular roles.
I can see how problems may arise, after all, I’m a lay person in ministry who holds a Bachelor Degree in Theology and a number of years experience within the church and community working with young people, communities and congregations, the logical thing for someone in my position would be to seek ordination, something which many of my friends and colleagues have gone and done, to which I should say that I admire both their courage and support their sense of call to ordained ministry.
But I’ve not done that, and this seems to be confusing to the Church, which has, for a variety of reasons been reliant on Ordained Ministry to fulfill the role of minister, reverend, mission worker, chaplain etc. Some would possibly suggest that it’s just be being difficult, and that I enjoy being stubborn or different, and to a degree they’d be correct, I don’t really want to fold to my theological convictions re ordination and that sometimes find great solace in this choice, but in other ways the fight to be recognised or called within a church with a preference, a lean toward the ordained is just oh so difficult.
My position prior to the one I’m in now can be a case in point, when I was interviewed for the position the contract had in it a set stipend that included housing and a set car allowance and benefits. After being interviewed and, after sensing a call to the position and community, and after having that sense of call affirmed by the committee that interviewed me the contract was altered, the alteration meant less money, no housing and the benefits being removed. I could have said “stuff you” and, if I were to do it all over again I’d be tempted to do just that, but I had a calling, and this had been affirmed, I lacked the conviction to do that and took my heart in my hand and moved home and took the chance. I had the hope that the conversation about my support and income would be re-visited, but every time it was various people would come up with the idea that as I was a Lay person I shouldn’t be awarded what Ordained ministers receive, after all, how annoyed would the reverends be? I could go on, but won’t, I’ve dealt with that stuff, I’m still raw sometimes, but it’s something that I’m happy to have experienced, it’s really helped me think through ordination as a path and to discern that it isn’t the way for me to go, at least for now.
When having the issues in the placement i mentioned, I was asked “why not get ordained, it’d sort this stuff all out, it’s not that it’s a big deal?”
The truth of the matter is that I think it is a big deal, and to get ordained to do the ministry that i was already doing and called to would only serve to help me get an increase in income, a vehicle and a house, which aren’t valid discerning reasons for me.
I liken it sometimes to a dance, sometimes I go to dance with the Church and find any number of things, sometimes I find that I’ve entered the dance floor ready to waltz but the church is expecting a samba, sometimes we spend a lot of time talking about what dance we’re to be doing, but find it difficult to find one that we can both do with any great confidence, other times we decide to cut the crap and just dance alone on the same floor, with an awkward looking partnership while at other times we’re actually rocking up to find that we’re both on different dance floors.
The end result is that sometimes we’re lonely, dancing to a love tune without a partner, other times we’re awkwardly dancing and kicking shins and standing on feet, sometimes we’re clumsy while other times onlookers have issues trying to reconcile the fact that we’re supposed to be dance partners.
While occasionally the dance is beautiful, easy and looks like we’re well rehearsed, like it comes oh so naturally.
So, it was with that in mind that I went to an interview last year to discuss whether the Church believes that I’m called to be a Lay Pastor, a specified Lay ministry within the Uniting Church in Australia.I’ve got to admit I was puzzled why I was there, I didn’t really feel called to the title/ministry, but i believe that this is a two way street, and so I’d have to see if the committee believed that I was called, even though I was skeptical.
The interview was great, I was honest, possibly too honest about my issues. when asked why I felt called to the ministry of Lay Pastor I even suggested that i didn’t think I was. That, instead I feel called tot he ministry I’m in, that I’ve been participating in for many years, and that I can see me participating in for many years to come. I shared that I think it’s not my decision to make, that the committee needed to pray and ask God whether they believe I am called to the ministry and that my act of faith is rocking up to the interview.
We talked about my life, God’s call, my theology of ministry and I shared some of my stories of dances that didn’t go as well as planned, I shared some of my shin bruises and fears of dancing like that again. I must add that I didn’t share the dancing metaphor then, so I was nowhere near as eloquent as I am now, but instead was much more clumsy.
My answer was to say that while I didn’t necessarily feel called to being a Lay Pastor I felt that the Church needed me to be called towards it in order to be in a good relationship with me. At least if the Church had a place for me we could start learning how to dance together without all the awkwardness that has usually been there. that, If the church had a place and name for me in the system we’d have a much nicer relationship in the future and that could save a lot of trouble and hurt.
Basically, I said, id you want to dance with me meet me half way, let’s find a dance floor that we can agree to dance on.
I left the meeting refreshed but convinced that I’d shot myself in the foot by talking too much and being too honest about my issues and past.
But had a phone call the following day to let me know that the team felt that I was indeed called to be a Lay Pastor.
So, it was with that in mind that the Riverina Presbytery commissioned me as a Lay Pastor in February.
No, I’m not a Reverend, a Minister of the Word, a Deacon… I’m still in Lay ministry, slowly learning how to dance all over again.
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